It Burns

Once upon a time, children’s television didn’t suck. I’m not really sure what happened between then and now. All I know is that my brother Abe and I are not happy about the change.

 

 The Television of Yesteryear [12:28m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (115)

Following up from my previous anger about dentistry, I had to go to the dentist today. After removing part of one of my teeth and replacing it with synthetic something-or-other, he informed me that I need to get a root canal really soon. That’s just fucking terrific.

If you somehow don’t already know, believe me when I tell you that food, while tasty, is a huge pain in the ass. Popcorn in particular can fuck right off.

 

 Not So Much Delicious As Annoying [6:30m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (94)

I realize that I’ve basically vanished for about 4 months. I had some really good excuses, but I just don’t remember them. I’ll get another episode up later today.

This marks the beginning of my systematic rejection of all modes of transportation. I probably won’t follow through with that, but that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that I have much hate for automobile-related bullshit.

I really do need a Ragemobile, though.

 

 The Ragemobile [5:00m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (396)

Where, you might be wondering, did I get the idea to yell angrily at a microphone and put the results online? Truth be told, I didn’t. You see, I listen to Maximum PC’s No BS Podcast. One of the recurring segments is called Gordon Mah Ung’s Rant of the Week, wherein Gordon Mah Ung, MaxPC’s senior editor, spews forth anger and hate. It’s really quite fantastic.

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In this much-delayed episode of It Burns, I tell you that Apple sucks. So great is my hatred for Apple that it took almost sixteen minutes to get me to quiet the hell down.

 

 The Forbidden Fruit [15:40m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (144)

So, I’m in Israel for the next 2 weeks. I was trying to put together another episode to post before I left, but I ran out of time. I’ll finish it and post it upon my return.

After talking to a follower of It Burns, I have come to the realization that I need to spell things out for at least some of you, as you are retarded. To that end, allow me to explain the purpose of comments on this site.

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Did you know that the anesthetics your doctor gives you can actually result in your death? What about the unclean nature of soap? Find out this and more in this great new episode of It Burns!

Note: nearly every word of the preceding statement was a lie.

 

 Get It Off! [2:10m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (557)