It Burns

Episode 9: Cruise Ships and Elephant Cocks

Elyscape — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 03:48:52 +0000

Because I am spoiled, I occasionally go on cruises. Because I am an ungrateful, whiny bitch, I complain about them. Because I am easily distracted, I then talk about things completely unrelated. My brother contributes by playing Katamari Damacy on his PSP (see spoiled).

Episode 8: In Which Age Limits Are Instated

Elyscape — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 02:22:19 +0000

In this extremely delayed episode, I forbid people from doing things. On an unrelated note, please let me know if you have a better idea for how I should end these.

Episode 7: The Television of Yesteryear

Elyscape — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 18:35:15 +0000

Once upon a time, children’s television didn’t suck. I’m not really sure what happened between then and now. All I know is that my brother Abe and I are not happy about the change.

I Am Numb

Elyscape — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:40:31 +0000

Following up from my previous anger about dentistry, I had to go to the dentist today. After removing part of one of my teeth and replacing it with synthetic something-or-other, he informed me that I need to get a root canal really soon. That’s just fucking terrific.

Episode 6: Not So Much Delicious As Annoying

Elyscape — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 21:20:53 +0000

If you somehow don’t already know, believe me when I tell you that food, while tasty, is a huge pain in the ass. Popcorn in particular can fuck right off.

No, I Haven’t Died

Elyscape — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 18:27:13 +0000

I realize that I’ve basically vanished for about 4 months. I had some really good excuses, but I just don’t remember them. I’ll get another episode up later today.

Episode 5: The Ragemobile

Elyscape — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:05:11 +0000

This marks the beginning of my systematic rejection of all modes of transportation. I probably won’t follow through with that, but that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that I have much hate for automobile-related bullshit.

I really do need a Ragemobile, though.

The Inspiration For It Burns

Elyscape — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 08:08:33 +0000

Where, you might be wondering, did I get the idea to yell angrily at a microphone and put the results online? Truth be told, I didn’t. You see, I listen to Maximum PC’s No BS Podcast. One of the recurring segments is called Gordon Mah Ung’s Rant of the Week, wherein Gordon Mah Ung, MaxPC’s senior editor, spews forth anger and hate. It’s really quite fantastic.

Episode 48 of the No BS Podcast was particularly epic. Due to be posted at the end of the year, this podcast was comprised entirely of Gordon’s rants. This made for an extremely entertaining podcast, but it also enabled the team to slack off and not record any new content. Everyone won!

Meanwhile, I had itburns.net and no idea what to do with it. Then it hit me: I’m angry too! I could do a podcast of my own! You are looking at the results.

Episode 4: The Forbidden Fruit

Elyscape — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 06:41:12 +0000

In this much-delayed episode of It Burns, I tell you that Apple sucks. So great is my hatred for Apple that it took almost sixteen minutes to get me to quiet the hell down.

I Suck At Doing Things On Any Sort Of Timely Basis

Elyscape — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:37:06 +0000

So, I’m in Israel for the next 2 weeks. I was trying to put together another episode to post before I left, but I ran out of time. I’ll finish it and post it upon my return.